Time and time again, HEX gets the call, the email, the frantic message… “I don’t know what the hell has happened to my dog! Everything has been smooth and then all of a sudden, he/she is starting to act like a total ass!” And we reply and ask…. “Sir/Ma’am, how old is your dog?” Response, “He/She is just around 18 months old!” SHOCKER! Winner, winner, chicken dinner! Could have guessed that!
Let’s think about this for a moment. If it is true that for every one year of a dog’s life, roughly equals to 7 years of a human = BINGO! What you have on your hands is the most obnoxious 10-13 year old pre-teen! Anyone with kids, those who remember being that young or know kids in this wonderful age group can attest…..this is by-far one of the most challenging time periods. Hands down!
When I was in Paramedic school and met my ex-husband…(ha-ha, yes, he is my ex! But still my best friend and partner in crime for parenting our beautiful daughters)…it was the year 2000 and I was the awesome age of 22! Yup, I knew it all, loved my life, loved my freedom, loved living in my parent’s guest house in Sherborn, loved having a $500 Z71 truck payment that I could actually afford because I had no real bills to pay…life was good….but damn, it was about to get complicated!
So on about date #4, my ex breaks the news to me….which I didn’t find all that shocking, because at 22 I was still a baby and now looking back, I didn’t know a thing about life. “Ummmm, Kim….I was married for 10 months when I was 20 because I had a baby girl the summer after my senior year of college….” At first, I was more pissed that he had been married before and felt that rage of jealousy come through me. I really didn’t react to the fact that I was dating an older guy who has a soon to be 10 year old girl. Hey, no big deal right????!!!??? WRONG!
We got engaged 2 months after we started dating, we married 10 months later. I was married at 23 and a “Step-Mom” to an 11 year old girl. NO PROBLEM! Lol…and with all the love I have for my beautiful stepdaughter, I think most people reading this knows how this story goes. (Mind you she will be 24 in a few weeks.) She went from playing with Barbie Dolls to an absolute boy-crazy freak with the biggest attitude in the world overnight. One weekend she was sweet, and then next time we saw her…absolute monster. Hormones kicking in, know it all, nasty, didn’t listen, no respect for authority, was playing her mom against her dad, was using me to get around her parents….she was a nightmare! BUT…we LOVED her. We started to “feel bad” for her, her dad tried to buy her affection with gifts, we didn’t punish her, no consequences for bad behavior. What she really needed was for an adult figure to stand up and say...."Stop Your Bull Sh*t With Me!"
Hmmmm…what does this sound like? YES! Pretty much exactly what is going on with the “18 month old” dogs we get frantic phone calls about time and time again. Same story, same complaints, same issues… But where do the problems stem from? Perhaps stopped training after a simple basic-obedience for puppies because they passed with flying colors at 12-16 weeks old….sorry to tell you people…most of them do! Perhaps has allowed unstructured walks and has allowed the dog to pull and treat the owner with absolute disrespect? Perhaps felt “bad” to correct unwanted behaviors, felt “bad” to use a crate even though they destroy the house when at work or out, felt “bad” being a respected authority figure in your dog’s world? Starting to get where I am going with this? What you have is a 10-13 year old “pre-teen” who has zero respect for boundaries, authority, discipline and consequences!!!!!....and the owners in turn are like my EX who feels “bad” changing unwanted behaviors out of love. Your dog has put their “BIG BOY/GIRL PANTS” on…and it won’t be easy to take them off. It is going to take time, patience, consistency and a calm, can-do attitude.
Pity is not love. Pity is an enabling action which in turn escalates unwanted behavior. This goes for both humans and dogs alike! Just as kids need structure, reward, discipline, consequences, balance…so do our dogs. And it needs to start the very moment you bring them home. Coddling is not love. Coddling is an action that the “coddler” uses because they don’t want to see their child/dog grow and be independent…the “coddler” feels the need to be needed and wanted.
As a step-mom to a child who felt lost in the world and very insecure, I have learned these lessons along the way. Ups and downs, BUT, she always knew what to expect from me. Every time, all the time. When I said no, I meant it. When I promised her something, I delivered. When I had to punish her and take her beloved cell phone away as a punishment, I did that and didn’t give in and give it back even if she cried and said her life was over without her precious phone. Now I have my own girls who are 7 and 9 years old, and they also know what is expected and tolerated and what is not. Mind you, my 9 year old is on the autism spectrum and house rules apply the same to both girls. My goal as a mom is to create a world that is not in “chaos”. People think I am nuts that I put my kids into bed every night at 7:30 even when they are out of school and that I don’t allow havoc to rule my house over the summer months and allow them to stay up till whenever. I also really believe that you can’t expect a child (or a dog) to just behave 10%-20% of the day because you have company over – they need to be aware of the rules and boundaries 100% of the day to actually get results that last and are ingrained. My girls may appear to be spoiled, and maybe they are, but they EARN rewards from me, I just don’t hand them away. Rewards aren’t just toys and dolls, they are memories. We travel, we go get our nails & toes done, we do a special girls lunch, they can have sleepovers, we have tons of fun.
As a foster mom to many bully breeds over the past 2 years, I have used a lot of these “parenting” techniques with dogs that come into my home. We have had great success. Every dog, no matter what the story or background gets a clean slate when they come to me. Every dog knows from day one what is expected. Yes, the first 2 weeks we have our adjustment periods and we crate/rotate/separate…however, the rules and expectations remain the same. Remember, any dog will get away with what YOU allow them to get away with!
Here are my Top 10 rules that I live by with my dogs & fosters:
1. Wait politely for your food
2. Do not cross a threshold without my permission and NEVER before me
3. Keep your energy level at a “5” max – so we never get to a 10
4. Walk politely on a loose leash, every time, ALL the time
5. Never approach another dog for a nose-to-nose greet on-leash. I simply tell other people, “sorry, not allowed, they are in training…” it works & you don’t come across as rude
6. Sit politely to be petted
7. Never jump up on someone
8. When I say “leave it” you leave it (I use this universally for ‘drop-it’ as well…so essentially means to stop)
9. We are still working on these…but striving for rock solid DOWN STAYS!
10. More freedom comes from MY trust in you through good choices & actions
When we get to training these “18 month old” dogs…more often than not, MOST if not ALL of these rules are NOT being instilled within the dog’s world and in the home. Attacking just 3 of these rules at first can work magic on any dog. From day one…to the end of the dog’s life. Impulse control is by far one of the most important things to get down. A dog that can do a solid down stay is a dog that respects, trusts and has confidence in their pack leader, and that is you! Training, socialization, mental stimulation does not stop after a basic obedience class…it is forever. Dogs that are left to navigate through this crazy world on their own are not happy dogs. They need that constant, that security, that authority to allow them to relax and enjoy life. Find what makes your dog “happy” and use that with training. Remember rewards are not always a food treat; a reward can be your undivided attention and making memories together!
Happy Training to you! Let us at HEX know if we can be of assistance in helping you reach your goals with your dogs. We have lots of cool drop-in style classes happening now to squeeze in some training and socialization into your busy schedules! www.hexdogs.com
Be sure to "LIKE" HEX on Facebook for the latest happenings in our training world! https://www.facebook.com/hexdogs
Let’s think about this for a moment. If it is true that for every one year of a dog’s life, roughly equals to 7 years of a human = BINGO! What you have on your hands is the most obnoxious 10-13 year old pre-teen! Anyone with kids, those who remember being that young or know kids in this wonderful age group can attest…..this is by-far one of the most challenging time periods. Hands down!
When I was in Paramedic school and met my ex-husband…(ha-ha, yes, he is my ex! But still my best friend and partner in crime for parenting our beautiful daughters)…it was the year 2000 and I was the awesome age of 22! Yup, I knew it all, loved my life, loved my freedom, loved living in my parent’s guest house in Sherborn, loved having a $500 Z71 truck payment that I could actually afford because I had no real bills to pay…life was good….but damn, it was about to get complicated!
So on about date #4, my ex breaks the news to me….which I didn’t find all that shocking, because at 22 I was still a baby and now looking back, I didn’t know a thing about life. “Ummmm, Kim….I was married for 10 months when I was 20 because I had a baby girl the summer after my senior year of college….” At first, I was more pissed that he had been married before and felt that rage of jealousy come through me. I really didn’t react to the fact that I was dating an older guy who has a soon to be 10 year old girl. Hey, no big deal right????!!!??? WRONG!
We got engaged 2 months after we started dating, we married 10 months later. I was married at 23 and a “Step-Mom” to an 11 year old girl. NO PROBLEM! Lol…and with all the love I have for my beautiful stepdaughter, I think most people reading this knows how this story goes. (Mind you she will be 24 in a few weeks.) She went from playing with Barbie Dolls to an absolute boy-crazy freak with the biggest attitude in the world overnight. One weekend she was sweet, and then next time we saw her…absolute monster. Hormones kicking in, know it all, nasty, didn’t listen, no respect for authority, was playing her mom against her dad, was using me to get around her parents….she was a nightmare! BUT…we LOVED her. We started to “feel bad” for her, her dad tried to buy her affection with gifts, we didn’t punish her, no consequences for bad behavior. What she really needed was for an adult figure to stand up and say...."Stop Your Bull Sh*t With Me!"
Hmmmm…what does this sound like? YES! Pretty much exactly what is going on with the “18 month old” dogs we get frantic phone calls about time and time again. Same story, same complaints, same issues… But where do the problems stem from? Perhaps stopped training after a simple basic-obedience for puppies because they passed with flying colors at 12-16 weeks old….sorry to tell you people…most of them do! Perhaps has allowed unstructured walks and has allowed the dog to pull and treat the owner with absolute disrespect? Perhaps felt “bad” to correct unwanted behaviors, felt “bad” to use a crate even though they destroy the house when at work or out, felt “bad” being a respected authority figure in your dog’s world? Starting to get where I am going with this? What you have is a 10-13 year old “pre-teen” who has zero respect for boundaries, authority, discipline and consequences!!!!!....and the owners in turn are like my EX who feels “bad” changing unwanted behaviors out of love. Your dog has put their “BIG BOY/GIRL PANTS” on…and it won’t be easy to take them off. It is going to take time, patience, consistency and a calm, can-do attitude.
Pity is not love. Pity is an enabling action which in turn escalates unwanted behavior. This goes for both humans and dogs alike! Just as kids need structure, reward, discipline, consequences, balance…so do our dogs. And it needs to start the very moment you bring them home. Coddling is not love. Coddling is an action that the “coddler” uses because they don’t want to see their child/dog grow and be independent…the “coddler” feels the need to be needed and wanted.
As a step-mom to a child who felt lost in the world and very insecure, I have learned these lessons along the way. Ups and downs, BUT, she always knew what to expect from me. Every time, all the time. When I said no, I meant it. When I promised her something, I delivered. When I had to punish her and take her beloved cell phone away as a punishment, I did that and didn’t give in and give it back even if she cried and said her life was over without her precious phone. Now I have my own girls who are 7 and 9 years old, and they also know what is expected and tolerated and what is not. Mind you, my 9 year old is on the autism spectrum and house rules apply the same to both girls. My goal as a mom is to create a world that is not in “chaos”. People think I am nuts that I put my kids into bed every night at 7:30 even when they are out of school and that I don’t allow havoc to rule my house over the summer months and allow them to stay up till whenever. I also really believe that you can’t expect a child (or a dog) to just behave 10%-20% of the day because you have company over – they need to be aware of the rules and boundaries 100% of the day to actually get results that last and are ingrained. My girls may appear to be spoiled, and maybe they are, but they EARN rewards from me, I just don’t hand them away. Rewards aren’t just toys and dolls, they are memories. We travel, we go get our nails & toes done, we do a special girls lunch, they can have sleepovers, we have tons of fun.
As a foster mom to many bully breeds over the past 2 years, I have used a lot of these “parenting” techniques with dogs that come into my home. We have had great success. Every dog, no matter what the story or background gets a clean slate when they come to me. Every dog knows from day one what is expected. Yes, the first 2 weeks we have our adjustment periods and we crate/rotate/separate…however, the rules and expectations remain the same. Remember, any dog will get away with what YOU allow them to get away with!
Here are my Top 10 rules that I live by with my dogs & fosters:
1. Wait politely for your food
2. Do not cross a threshold without my permission and NEVER before me
3. Keep your energy level at a “5” max – so we never get to a 10
4. Walk politely on a loose leash, every time, ALL the time
5. Never approach another dog for a nose-to-nose greet on-leash. I simply tell other people, “sorry, not allowed, they are in training…” it works & you don’t come across as rude
6. Sit politely to be petted
7. Never jump up on someone
8. When I say “leave it” you leave it (I use this universally for ‘drop-it’ as well…so essentially means to stop)
9. We are still working on these…but striving for rock solid DOWN STAYS!
10. More freedom comes from MY trust in you through good choices & actions
When we get to training these “18 month old” dogs…more often than not, MOST if not ALL of these rules are NOT being instilled within the dog’s world and in the home. Attacking just 3 of these rules at first can work magic on any dog. From day one…to the end of the dog’s life. Impulse control is by far one of the most important things to get down. A dog that can do a solid down stay is a dog that respects, trusts and has confidence in their pack leader, and that is you! Training, socialization, mental stimulation does not stop after a basic obedience class…it is forever. Dogs that are left to navigate through this crazy world on their own are not happy dogs. They need that constant, that security, that authority to allow them to relax and enjoy life. Find what makes your dog “happy” and use that with training. Remember rewards are not always a food treat; a reward can be your undivided attention and making memories together!
Happy Training to you! Let us at HEX know if we can be of assistance in helping you reach your goals with your dogs. We have lots of cool drop-in style classes happening now to squeeze in some training and socialization into your busy schedules! www.hexdogs.com
Be sure to "LIKE" HEX on Facebook for the latest happenings in our training world! https://www.facebook.com/hexdogs
Additional Commentary by Cassie-Leigh Stock
I've read this article several times, and the thing that stands out to me are the parallels between successful CHILD parenting & successful DOG parenting. Honestly, it is challenging concept in many ways for me, as I'm just a "dog mom" myself.
I especially like the "10 commandments" & the honesty & rawness with which Kim talks about those things. I will say that in my house, we maintain all of those, especially these items: (#1: Wait for your food, is a GIVEN at my place!)
2. Do not cross a threshold without my permission and NEVER before me
3. Keep your energy level at a “5” max – so we never get to a 10
... with some exceptions. I believe there is a time & a place for a maximum energy level, so long as it is initiated by me, and constructive. Examples would include a raging game of tug-o-war (rules apply), Spark flying off the dock (he's a former dockdogs competitor - may come back after injuries last year), or working high energy obedience. I am the proud owner of four "pit bull type" dogs and in their play, I ABSOLUTELY agree with the intensity level staying below a 5. I am huge on this, and largely BECAUSE of this, I never have dog fights occur in my pack. (Don't misunderstand me here: there are MANY factors that play in to whether or not intra-pack fights occur... I simply avoid this one.)
Each of my four dogs has their own release word. I can't tell you how valuable this is... In fact, I may write a whole separate article about it. (Just in case you were wondering, Daria's is "vas" - French for "go ahead," Patches is "free," Spark is "break" & Dually is "at ease.") They are plenty easy to remember, yes. Every single time we exit the house - we have four different entrances/exits - they are required to sit and wait to be released. I vary it by sometimes standing beside them before issuing their release word, and going in front of them. I do not make a habit of releasing them from behind, Poor practice.
Kim is spot on when she states the typical frantic phone call that HEX receives. Let's collectively try to change that by sharing education. Visit the rest of the website at hexdogs.com or email hexdogs@gmail.com for more information or to schedule your appointment... especially if your pups DON'T have their big boy/big girl pants on yet!
I especially like the "10 commandments" & the honesty & rawness with which Kim talks about those things. I will say that in my house, we maintain all of those, especially these items: (#1: Wait for your food, is a GIVEN at my place!)
2. Do not cross a threshold without my permission and NEVER before me
3. Keep your energy level at a “5” max – so we never get to a 10
... with some exceptions. I believe there is a time & a place for a maximum energy level, so long as it is initiated by me, and constructive. Examples would include a raging game of tug-o-war (rules apply), Spark flying off the dock (he's a former dockdogs competitor - may come back after injuries last year), or working high energy obedience. I am the proud owner of four "pit bull type" dogs and in their play, I ABSOLUTELY agree with the intensity level staying below a 5. I am huge on this, and largely BECAUSE of this, I never have dog fights occur in my pack. (Don't misunderstand me here: there are MANY factors that play in to whether or not intra-pack fights occur... I simply avoid this one.)
Each of my four dogs has their own release word. I can't tell you how valuable this is... In fact, I may write a whole separate article about it. (Just in case you were wondering, Daria's is "vas" - French for "go ahead," Patches is "free," Spark is "break" & Dually is "at ease.") They are plenty easy to remember, yes. Every single time we exit the house - we have four different entrances/exits - they are required to sit and wait to be released. I vary it by sometimes standing beside them before issuing their release word, and going in front of them. I do not make a habit of releasing them from behind, Poor practice.
Kim is spot on when she states the typical frantic phone call that HEX receives. Let's collectively try to change that by sharing education. Visit the rest of the website at hexdogs.com or email hexdogs@gmail.com for more information or to schedule your appointment... especially if your pups DON'T have their big boy/big girl pants on yet!
From left to right: Dually, Z (RIP), Patches, Daria & Spark Plug
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