This article has been adapted from handouts pertinent to HEX's very first Confidence Builder Workshop

The following tips are written to enhance the format of a professional training program.  There are exceptions to every rule, so none of these things should be seen as a “be-all-end-all” solution to a behavior problem.  This is merely a list of suggestions, a clearly written document to tape to your refrigerator for the whole family to see, to help you assert Leadership Without Confrontation, and henceforth bring your dog to a more balanced place.

1)    First of all, teach your dog the basic cues: Sit, Down, Stay, Come, Heel and the under-rated ​Sit at Side (under the guidance of a qualified professional as needed) so you have this basic language of communication.  You should be able to execute each of these without a treat in your hand.

Which brings me to my next point...

3) Remember to be aware of your dog's state of mind.  State of mind is even more important than behavior, meaning: just because I ask my dog to sit, and he sits, does not mean it's time for a "good boy!"  It's not time for a "good boy!" if he is sitting, but staring down a target (like a stranger or an unfamiliar dog) with ill intentions at the same time that he executes the "sit."  In that case, change your dog's state of mind by physically walking him (away from the target briefly in a semi-circle,) redirecting this attention (perhaps a game of "Touch?"), or even something as simple as "Watch Me" if his fixation is mild.

4)    “Anything practiced gets easier to do, whether than behavior is positive or negative.” –CLS  

This applies to humans as well as canines.  If you allow your dog to practice barking out the window, you may not see it right away, but that behavior will INDEED get easier for your canine to perform. The opposite holds true as well: if I require my dog to practice sitting to put his leash on every day, THAT behavior gets easier to do also.  If I have him practice waiting for his treats, waiting to go outside, or to play gently with his siblings, that too will get easier.

Use this principle to your advantage.

5)    Do NOT allow your dog to drag you out the door or pull on leash.  If this is something you have trouble with, time to get a professional involved.  In one short session, this can be fixed.

6)  Do NOT repeat commands.  Do NOT repeat commands.  Do NOT repeat commands.  Do NOT repeat commands.  Do NOT repeat commands.  (Annoying, isn’t it?  Your dog feels the same.)

7)  Keep the intensity level inside your home (and outside your home, for that matter) at a 5 out of 10.  Anything above that intensity level should be especially under your control, structured, and begun & completed by you.  (i.e.  tug-o-war.)

See _https://www.facebook.com/pit.bull.trainer/videos/10205830009448596/

8)  ​Remember: your dog needs an outlet for his physical energy.  This means physical exercise, and your big back yard alone does not cut it.  If the dog never leaves the back yard, it’s like living in a fishbowl.  Give him the structured, physically-demanding activities he craves (under the advisement of a trusted veterinarian) and watch his anxious energy dissipate.  (Examples include back-packing, jogging, fetch, Find It – see: http://www.hexdogs.com/blog-this/game-with-your-k9-teach-find-it, trick-training…)

9)  ​Keep your comings & goings soft, quiet & low-key, especially when dealing with behavioral issues.  (This is one of the simplest but most difficult things to ask a pet owner to do, I know.)

10)  ​The greatest mistake that pet owners make in dog rehabilitation, witnessed in my experience, is doing TOO MUCH, TOO SOON.  Giving too much freedom too early gives your dog the opportunity to practice the exact behaviors you don’t approve of, AND “Anything practiced gets easier to do, whether that behavior is positive or negative.”

11)  ​When determining your goals in modifying the behavior of your dog, ask yourself the following question: is this something my dog wants to do… or is this something I want my dog to do?  Does my dog enjoy going to the dog park (to be accosted & mounted by unruly dogs, for example) or do I want to go to the dog park?  Evaluate & modify your goals as needed and challenge yourselves while staying realistic.

12)  Crate-train.  Even if you don’t think you need to.  See Kim Chatha’s article: http://www.hexdogs.com/blog-this/give-me-my-damn-crate-back 

13)  In a few words: dog backpacks!  See my article:  http://www.hexdogs.com/blog-this/whats-the-deal-with-dog-backpacks-2nd-addition-with-new-links-commentary 

14)  Provide at least one new experience per dog per day.  That helps keep your dog on the top of his mental game, alert, attentive, excited for life, and, when done properly, reinforces your relationship as the one he can trust to lead him through new & potentially anxiety-producing circumstances.  If you’re going to get gas, throw the dog in the car.  Dunkin’ Donuts?  Strap him in and bring him along.  Spend two minutes working on a new trick.  Bring him to a different part of the yard than usual and play Find It.  It doesn’t have to be time-consuming; just do something new!

15)  Always, always: #SafetyFirst.  Especially when it comes to safety involving children.  Err on the side of caution.  No harm can come from taking things too slowly... a lot of harm can come from rushing things too quickly.

16)  ​Do NOT allow your dog to put his weight up against you in any way, shape, or form without invitation.  Do NOT allow your dog to lean on you, put paws on you, sit on your feet, nudge your hands, nose their way under your arm, etc.  Yes, you need to ignore these behaviors.  It’s not that these behaviors are unacceptable under ANY  circumstances.  It’s that these behaviors are unacceptable under these circumstances (i.e. circumstances under which you are trying to modify behavior & provide stronger leadership/guidance).  For that reason, if you entertain these behaviors, they should be invited & initiated by you.

17)   If you have a fearful or nervous dog, you MUST learn to be your dog’s advocate in order to have any success beyond a certain point, especially regarding socialization to strangers.  When someone comes up to you and says, “Can I pet your dog?” (or worse, if they don’t even ask & proceed to reach for him), it truly matters not if your dog decides to bite at that particular moment.  If your dog clearly doesn’t want to be petted, than be your dog’s advocate and say “NO.  We are in training.”  You don’t need to apologize.  If your dog can’t trust you to protect him, he will never move beyond a certain point in his progress.

​18)  If your dog makes poor decisions, don't put him in decision-making positions.

19)  "You get what you pet." -KC

A lot of people don't even realize when they are caressing their dogs.  If your dog is displaying stress behaviors (growling, cowering, shaking), now is NOT the time for affection.  I don't necessarily subscribe to the idea that you cannot soothe your canine through touch, HOWEVER, we are all definitely in agreement that during these stressful times, what your dog needs from you is leadership, not coddling.  Your nervous pup could be better soothed with gentle but firm redirection (physically walking in a semi-circle, perhaps) and positive association with stress-inducing stimulus.  

***Please view all of these things as tips to help you along on a well-crafted training/behavior modification program.  Cases involving aggression or anxiety especially should always involve the guidance of a qualified professional, and resolution should not be attempted on your own.

***These are a list of ideas, tips & tricks that can make a massive difference in the life of a dog, but all of these things must be done with consistency and in conjunction with an individual program to see results. Also worth noting, when changing the rules, you may see an increase in the undesirable behavior for a time.  This is because your dog is persisting in something that has always worked!  At this time in particular, YOU must have more persistence and determination than your dog.  Depending on your dog, that, my friends, may be asking a lot!  But you can do it.  It may take days, it may take weeks, it may take months, it could even take years to break through the truly tough stuff, BUT with consistency you WILL see behavior reliably change.

Email hexdogs@gmail.com with any questions or to take your next step in training.  We’re here for those who are 100% committed. 

I’ve been thinking about this article for a long time.  I’ve got a handful of “2nd Additions” & “Half-Finished’s” floating around on my idea list, but what has really been standing out in my mind for a bit is an eccentric & weird topic that just burns life into my soul, with my fingertips scratching at the keyboard when Writers Block just wants to put me to sleep.  It’s called “Seven Unexpected Things That Completely Changed My Life.”

Let’s just get right down to it.  Whether you are a dog trainer or a fashion designer, a real estate agent or a teacher, sometimes you find yourself in a mental funk that you can’t seem to work your way out of.  I have woken up with the thought that “My life is stupid.”  (Oh?  It’s just me then?)  I realize that that is some weird verbiage with which to wake yourself up.  But have you ever been so stuck in your head with yourself - who can be a relentless & shameless self-deprecating b*tch, by the way - that when someone asks you “What do you want to do?”  you honestly don’t have an answer because you truly can’t think of anything you feel like doing at the moment?  

I’ve felt like that.  

For me, and hopefully for you, this is never a permanent state of being.  We all get down on ourselves sometimes.  When you’re stuck in your own head like that though, that notion is easier remembered than achieved.  The saying goes “We are our own worst enemy,” and MAN, I can relate to that.  Millions of dollars would not fix those problems.  I am admittedly short of millions of dollars, but money, things, items, milestones… They alone have not made me happy.  In fact, they have rather been the bane of my existence.

But this article isn’t about that.  It’s not about how my struggles are worse than yours, or about how yours trump mine, but about how I’ve been inspired by the most unlikely of sources to fight against these odds and truly begin to be comfortable in my own skin.  We all – well, most us of! – deserve that.  The Dirty Thirty was a good year for me.

And so in the spirit of that assertion, allow me to represent the Underdog – but also the Happy Girl.  I ask from you what was asked of me.  That, my friends, is to have an open mind, an open heart, and a maybe just a little bit of crazy.  With that said, behold seven weirdly impactful things that truly gave me a different perspective on life.

As many of you know, I am a business owner, a hiker and a nature enthusiast.  What many of you don’t know if that I am also a lover of fashion.  (A good one?  A bad one?  It matters not for the purpose of this article.)  My Allure Magazine had arrived, and I’d gone cover to cover, from topic to topic, and this particular little article – on posture - bored me, so I skipped over it, again and again.  (I have this weird habit of reading magazines back to front.)  But back and forth, I bypassed this article until it was the last thing in the magazine left for me to read.  I was waiting for someone to finish something while I waited in the car.  When this article was the very last thing in the magazine for me to read, I read it.  And found it life-changing.  I followed the instructions.  I sat up straight (something I still have to put conscious effort into), opened my shoulders, and felt a little light bulb go off.  

I remember when I was a teenager, my mom warned me: “You are a short little thing that people love.  You are going to have to fight against that your whole life.”  And I did learn what she meant.  

I think about this article every day when I double check my posture.  Walk with your head held high, like you have a string holding you up straight.  It’s very empowering.  I think about this every single day.  (And let me tell you, any photo of you will look ten thousand times better!)

Here it is for your reference: http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/health/2015/how-to-have-better-posture.  

When I was twelve years old, I was a little bit of a lost soul.  I was still broken-hearted because of my parents’ divorce when I was five, and unconvinced that they wouldn’t get back together.  You know how I said I was five feet tall?  My stepfather was 6’7” and I looked up at him like I was King Kong and just threw every ounce of my adolescent strength into detesting him.  He wasn’t my dad, and I let him know it.  Not in my words, but probably in my actions.  I wasn’t his favorite thing in the world, either.  I frustrated him. 

Well, the basketball hoop.  It came into play long ago when I was just a kid because the outlet for all my frustration and confusion and pre-pubescent angst became shooting hoops.  I’d just play and play and play until I couldn’t think about anything but improving my shot.  I’d play “Around the World” like I was going  around the world.  I’d imagine myself there and play like I was Carmen San Diego – (am I dating myself a little bit there?)  I never learned too much how to actually play basketball, but I would shoot hoops with myself until I couldn’t see the court anymore… past dusk.  It would get dark and I’d get called in for dinner. The court was my neighbors’ driveway with a basketball hoop in it.

That basketball hoop gave me a peace of mind and years later, I was given another basketball hoop when I was thirty that served the same purpose.  I recommend it to everyone.  It was an amazing revelation to realize I could still hack it… at least in Around the World vs. Myself.

Kimora Lee Simmons??  WHAT a quote to be seen in an article on a dog  trainer’s blog – I know.  And I actually know very little about Kimora Lee Simmons beyond this quote.  This quote, however, was a game changer for me.  I don’t remember WHEN I heard it or HOW I heard it, but it stuck out in my mind right away and it has ever since.  When I wake up in the morning and get ready – after letting the dogs out, doing dishes, etc. – I ask myself not “What do I want to look like today?” but “What do I want to FEEL like today?”  May sound silly, but I promise you, it isn’t.  Take that extra moment for yourself, and when you are between the flats & the killer red heels, ask yourself, “If I ran into my ex today, what would I want to look like?”  Go with your gut – whatever that is! – and rock it out shamelessly.

Yeah, well.  I was told that for my entire adult life when given good and valid advice from industry people who knew what they were talking about.  I could not be happier that that suggestion has been weighed, measured & found wanting.  I threw that piece of advice straight out the window & so did she (my BFF & business partner, Kim Chatha).  There is no loyalty like ours and annoyingly to others, that has been proven time & time again over the years.  Yes, I said years.  When it comes down to it, do what you know is right in your heart & deal with the consequences later. .. knowing you put all your eggs in that basket & fought for what you believed in.  Failure hasn’t happened to HEX.  Proudly, Kim Chatha is my BFF & HEX’s Co-Owner with a shot gun (just kidding about the shot gun) and we still back each other 150% every day.  It CAN be done, people.  Don’t believe the hype.  Make your own judgment calls. 

Believe it or not, I didn’t learn this ‘til I was thirty.  Much can be accomplished when you accept this fact.  And it’s okay if it still makes you mad as an adult.

To all who have contributed to this article, knowingly & unknowingly, thank you, from the bottom of my weird  little heart - the good, the bad & the ugly.  I could not be more grateful for the way I’ve gotten to the spiritual, professional & psychological place I am today, and although there is a lot more growth to be had, the journey rocks on, and I am looking forward to it.  I am proud to say I am in a good place these days, and that is in large part due to the influence of the above-referenced inspirations. 

My hope is that this article helps another girl who too feels alone in a crowded room.  I feel ya.